


An Avengers Holiday Adventure

by ALMartin1011



Series: What He Wants - Bucky Barnes Fanfic [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I'm sorry for the tears I'm about to cause, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, happy sad happy, holiday fic, seriously all the angst in chapter two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-11-02 09:44:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20703599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALMartin1011/pseuds/ALMartin1011
Summary: Yes, I know it's not holiday season BUT the three chapters here are all critical to the happily ever after we're following for our boy. So please forgive me for rushing seasons and brace yourself for some sweet fluff, heart wrenching angst, and a surprise in the works.





	1. I Love You, Merry Christmas

Some days Bucky finds it hard to believe his life was ever more than this; the simple, easy life he has with you out in the woods of rural Pennsylvania. Where his only worry is if you remembered to get more coffee when you were at the store, and when you’re going to finally breakdown and pick out a new sofa. HYDRA, alien enemies, and battles for humanity seem like distant memories and he’s happy to leave them as such. But when Shuri’s face pops up on his cell phone screen on one cold December morning he can’t ignore his past. 

“Mholweni, Shuri.” He says answering the call and brings the phone up to his face so she can see him as well. 

“Mholweni, my friend.” She replies grinning. “It’s been too long.” 

“It has. What have you been up to?”

“Oh you know, working on upgrading the security software we have at the palace and generally driving my brother crazy.”

Bucky chuckles, “That sounds about right.” 

“Did you hear T’Challa is coming to New York for Christmas?”

“I didn’t. What’s got him crossing the Atlantic at this time of year? Doesn’t he know it’s freezing in New York in December?” 

“There’s some big meeting going on the week after New Years and Pepper offered for him to come out and spend the holidays at the compound. I think she’s planning to get everyone to come stay at the compound for a week or two. Has she called you yet?” 

Bucky shakes his head, “No, not yet. I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it though.” 

Shuri glares at him through the phone, “James Barnes, if I am traveling thousands of miles to deal with snow and ice and rude New Yorkers you had better be there too!” 

“I’ll have to make sure we don’t already have plans.” 

“Ah, yes. I heard you had found your Isithandwa. I need to meet this woman who has stolen your heart.” 

“If we come up for Christmas you’ll get to meet her then. Let me ask her and I’ll let you know for sure as soon as I can.” 

“I can’t wait. I have a few upgrade ideas for your arm too if you don’t mind letting me poke around at it a bit. I want to try and sharpen the sensory receptors using a new type of….” Shuri rattles on for several minutes about her new tech breakthrough which Bucky only gets the general idea of. He smiles and nods as is appropriate and Shuri finally realizes she’s lost him. “When did I lose you?” She huffs at him.

Bucky gives her a quick grin, hoping to avoid pissing her off, “Right after the words tech breakthrough.” 

She lets out an exasperated laugh and shakes her head at him, “You’re impossible. But you’re going to love the upgrades I have in mind. Now, go ask your love about Christmas and text me so I know if I should bother tagging along with T’Challa or not.” 

“Okay, will do. Don’t be a stranger.”

“You too.” Shuri disconnects the call and Bucky wanders into the kitchen to find you. 

You’re adding more spices to a large pot of chili which has been simmering on the stove for the better part of the afternoon and Bucky leans against the doorframe for a moment watching you. Your hair is tied up on top of your head in a messy bun and you’re wearing your favorite ancient, soft, sweatshirt over thick leggings. Your favorite playlist is filling the kitchen with upbeat punk rock and you move your shoulders and hips along with the beat while you stir. Bucky thinks there is no more perfect sight in all the universe and a vague plan starts forming in his mind of something else Shuri can help him with while she’s visiting. 

“Hey, doll.” Bucky calls, breaking you from your reverie. 

You spin around at his voice and smile at the sight of him leaning against the doorframe. “Hey babe. What’s up?”

“What do you normally do for Christmas?” 

You’re caught by surprise at his question. “Well, nothing much really. We exchange gifts at the center and then most years I just have dinner with Martha and Chris if they’re home for the holiday. They’ll be down in Florida this year though. Why?” 

“I know we had talked about going up to the Avengers compound at some point, but it’s still really soon, so don’t feel like we have to…” Bucky’s rambling and you cut him off, sparing him from working himself up any further.

“Do you want to spend Christmas in New York with your Avengers family?” 

Bucky’s face is eager and hopeful. “If you wouldn’t mind.” 

“Of course not. They’re your family, of course we should spend the holidays with them.”

“Thank you.” Bucky lets out a relieved breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

You cross the small kitchen to wrap your arms around him, “They’re your family, Buck. We absolutely should go.”

Bucky places a kiss on top of your head as you nuzzle into his broad chest. “I’ll text Shuri and let her know. I’m sure Pepper will be calling about it too.”

“Is everyone going up for the holidays?”

“That’s what Shuri said. Apparently Pepper is trying to get everyone to stay a week or two around Christmas and New Years. T’Challa was already coming out for some meeting in New York so Shuri is tagging along. If everyone shows it’s gonna be a full house. You sure you’re okay with going? It’s gonna be a lot.” 

“I was going to meet them all eventually, anyway, it might as well be all at once. The center closes from Christmas Eve until January 2nd every year so we have the time.”

“Thank you, doll. It means a lot. It’s gonna be our first year without… them… and I want to be there for Pepper and Morgan. It’s not going to be the easiest time.” 

“I get it. My first Christmas alone was awful. It’ll be good for all of you to be together this year.” 

“You’re too good to me.” Bucky tilts your chin up with a cool metal finger and presses soft kisses against your lips before resting his forehead against yours. 

You expected the holidays to be bittersweet for him but at least now he’ll have a support system that’s more than just you. Being around so many close friends will be good for him and you are looking forward to meeting everyone at last. 

~~~~~~~~~~

December flies by and you barely finish shopping for everyone by the time Christmas Eve rolls around. Bucky is frantically looking for his spare hair tie and you’re already leaving 20 minutes late. 

“Just grab one of mine!” You call into the bathroom at him. 

“Fine. Fuck it.” He growls snatching up a pink hair tie from the top drawer. 

He’s been on edge all morning, nervous to see everyone despite how much he misses them. 

“Hey.” You push a hand against his chest, stopping him for a moment. “Take a breath. We’ll get there when we get there. Everyone is going to be happy to see you regardless of when you arrive. You’ve been looking forward to this all month, don’t let your anxiety get the best of you.”

Bucky heaves a breath and you leave your palm in place until you feel his chest rising and falling a more normal pace. “Thanks doll.” He says with a grateful smile.

“Any time. Now, the car is packed, your hair looks fine, and we can stop at the Dunkin’ on the turnpike for coffee. Let’s go!” 

Bucky nods and grabs your hand, following you to the car.

~~~~~~~~~~~

You’re not sure who squeals the loudest when Bucky’s feet hit the pavement outside the Avengers compound. He’s barely out of the car when Morgan, Pepper, Shuri, and Sam come running out the door. Morgan has wrapped herself around his legs like a tiny attack koala while Sam and Shuri each take a shoulder to hug. Pepper waits patiently and gives him a quick hug and a sad smile once she pulls Morgan off of him. 

“Now that’s a welcome!” He laughs looking around at his closest friends. 

You hang back on the other side of the car, watching the scene unfold. There is so much love for him here and it warms your heart. After everyone pulls back and the questions begin you notice Bucky shifting uncomfortably on his feet. He’s not great with so much attention being put on him and you go around to his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him against you for support. He shoots you a grateful look and puts his arm around your shoulders. “Well, guys, this is Minnie.” He tells them and then points out each person to you. You had decided a week ago that you would continue to use your SHIELD alias with the Avengers. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust them but it would make things a lot less confusing since most of them had heard of you before as that name. 

The group welcomes you warmly with assorted hellos and hugs from everyone. After Morgan grumbles dramatically about freezing her toes off, the group of women head inside leaving Bucky and Sam to unload the car. You follow the women to the living room where you’re introduced to Wanda who’s typing furiously on her phone. It’s a little nerve wracking being surrounded by so many amazing, talented, beautiful people but you tamp down your nervousness and find yourself falling into easy conversation with them. 

Bucky, Sam, Bruce, and T’Challa join your group in the living room some time later, arms full of presents to scatter around the tree amongst the already large pile of gifts. Bucky seeks you out straightaway, pulling you against him with his arm draped around your shoulders. It anchors him, having physical contact with you, easing his nerves. Shuri moves over to sit on his other side on the large sofa and starts poking around at his vibranium arm. He allows her free reign, used to her science driven mind. She is so proud of her creation and wants nothing more than to continue fine tuning things for him. “Shuri, if you can wait until later I’ll take the whole damn thing off for you to play with.” His tone is mild, teasing.

She chuckles, “Sorry. I just want to get it perfect, you know? Stop by the lab later and I’ll make the adjustments I have in mind.” 

Bucky nods and then joins in the conversation you’re having with Sam who’s taken a seat on the other side of you.

Sam gives Bucky a ridiculous grin and thumbs up, “I like her, Buck. You better not mess this up or we’ll keep her and give you the boot.” 

“I have no plans on messing this up. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I know it.” 

You blush under his praise and Bucky just beams with pride. 

It’s late that night when the group disbands for the evening. Bucky shows you to his old living quarters and you’re surprised to find it’s basically a small apartment and not just a bedroom like you expected. There aren’t many things of his around the space and you see why he wasn’t overly concerned about coming back to collect his belongings. 

You snuggle into his small single bed, your body pressing up against his. “How are you holding up?” You ask him sleepily. 

“ ‘M’kay so far.” He mumbles against your neck. 

“Good, I’m glad. Everyone seems so happy to see you.” 

“Missed them too.” Bucky is only half awake as he basks in the warmth of your skin molded against his, “They like you, ya know?”

You try not to chuckle at the sound of his soft, sleepy voice, “I like them too.” 

“ ‘M’glad.”

“Alright, sleepyhead, get some rest. We’re gonna have to get up in a few hours for presents.” 

“ ‘M’kay. Night, mouse. Love you.” 

Your whole body tenses at his sleepy admission. Sure, you knew the emotion was there but neither one of you had dared to verbalize it yet.

Bucky notices when you tense up and he replays his words in his head looking for the cause. Oh shit. He’s fully awake now, desperate to ensure he hasn’t just scared you off. “Shit! I… I know it’s too soon. God, I’m such a fuck up. Please, please don’t run. Please…”

You watch as dozens of emotions flicker across his expressive face. Your heart is pounding in your chest and you know you have to push forward to relieve his anxiety. “I’m not running. Did you mean it?” 

Bucky swallows thickly, he can’t lie to you. “Yeah, I did. I love you, Y/N.” 

“I love you too, Bucky.” 

Bucky makes a choked sound and holds you even tighter against him. 

You feel dampness on your chest where he’s buried his face and you stroke his hair gently, letting him ride out the wave of emotions he’s feeling. “You’re not a fuck up. I know it’s soon but I’ve felt it for a while too. It’s okay.” 

He shudders a breath and nods, sniffling. You slide down a little so your faces are in front of one another’s and smooth the tears away from his face. “It’s okay. I love you.” You reassure him. 

Bucky nods again before pressing his lips against yours. You can taste the salt of tears on his soft, full lips and your body responds to his instantly. “I never thought I’d have this. Didn’t think it was possible for someone like me.” He quietly confesses. 

Slowly his hands roam the curves of your body and you gasp as he runs his palm across your breast. Bucky shifts so you’re on your back and he’s hovering over you, arching his hips against yours and pouring every last ounce of desperation and love into his frantic kisses. “I need you, doll.” He moans against your mouth. 

“I’m yours.” You reply, digging your nails into his shoulders as he plunges himself into you. There’s no preamble and you groan at the stretch and fullness of Bucky burying himself into you.

He pauses once he’s fully seated inside you, his hair falling around you like a silken curtain. It’s grown out more and you love wrapping your fingers in it. “I love you so much.” Bucky begins moving, rolling his hips and making you squirm as he hits the sensitive bundle of nerves deep inside you. You shudder with pleasure and he moans your name, shoulders shaking from the effort to slow his motions. “So perfect. It’s like you were made for me.” He slips his right hand down to the apex of your thighs to rub in rhythm with his hips, driving you over the edge quickly. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” You gasp, your words punctuated by the slapping of his hips against yours as he loses himself and begins pounding into you desperately. You’re close yet again and Bucky rolls your overly sensitized nub between his fingers until you climax, crying out his name. 

Your name is a growl on his lips as Bucky finds his own release, clinging to you desperately. Once he’s spent he collapses on top of you, barely catching himself so he doesn’t crush you under his full weight. You sprinkle kisses across his face, “Best. Christmas. Ever.” You say in between kisses.

Bucky chuckles softly, “Agreed. Now, we really do need to sleep. Morgan is going to have the whole compound up in about four hours.” He rolls off you, tucking your back against his chest so he can hold you.

“Mmm, I have no doubt. Merry Christmas, I love you.” You say with a satisfied smile. 

“Merry Christmas, I love you too.” He echoes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s just after six thirty in the morning when FRIDAY announces that Miss Morgan Stark has requested everyone’s presence in the living room. You groan but get up, pulling on soft flannel pajama pants and an old faded AC/DC T-shirt. Bucky emerges from the bathroom with his sweatpants riding low on his hips, his sleeveless tank clinging to his broad chest, and you can’t hide your reaction. He grins widely, knowing what he’s doing to you. “See somethin’ you like, mouse?” He teases, crossing his arms emphasizing the wide expanse of his shoulders just a little more. 

You fight back a smile and shake your head. “We don’t have time for that. Stop it.” 

Bucky laughs and catches the hairbrush you toss at him. “Stop what?” He shakes his hair out a little as he brushes it and you force your attention elsewhere.

“You know what you’re doing, jerk. No one has the right to look that damn good this early.” You jump when his arms snake around your waist, you hadn’t heard his approach. 

“The feeling’s mutual.” He moves your hair away from your neck to press an open mouthed kiss against it and you shudder. “But you’re right. Come on, I want to give you your present.” Bucky grabs your hand and leads you out to the elevator so you can head down to the living room. 

Everyone is already gathered around the large space and Pepper is handing out gifts. Morgan is surrounded by boxes which she’s tearing into at lightning speed but she’s quick to thank the gift giver once she sees what it is. 

“Morning love birds.” Sam jokes, “We were wondering if you’d be joining us or not.”

“Shut it, bird-man, or no presents for you.” Bucky grumbles affectionately, giving Sam a shove. 

Bucky and you take turns handing out gifts to everyone, pleased that each person seems to genuinely appreciate the gifts you selected for them. You’re all but bouncing in your seat when it comes time for Bucky’s gift. You had spent a lot of time researching it and even called on Sam for a little assistance. Waiting for Bucky to take the seat next to you, you hand him the envelope with shaking hands.

“What could it be?” He asks dramatically, giving the envelope a little shake. “It’s certainly not the jacket I put on my wish list.” 

You rolled your eyes at him, if he wanted a new leather jacket so much he could just go out and buy one. You had much bigger plans. 

Bucky tears open the envelope and plucks the silver key out of the envelope, dangling from the key is a leather keychain with the Harley Davidson symbol stamped on it. “What is this?” He asks slowly, wide eyed.

“Well, you had talked about how much you missed your bike and I knew it wasn’t something you would just buy yourself so…” you shrug.

“You got me a motorcycle?!” Bucky all but yells. Everyone stops their unwrapping and looks over at him but he is completely oblivious to the attention. 

“Not just a motorcycle, a Harley Davidson Street 750.” You tell him proudly. 

“That’s…. I can’t….”

“I think you fried his brain, Minnie.” Sam jokes.

Bucky stops his stuttering and throws himself on you, hugging you tightly as he practically crushes you under him.

“I’m glad you like it but I need to breathe.” You squeak. 

Bucky eases off of you, “Sorry. Thank you, doll. This is an amazing gift. How did you know?” 

“I had a little help.” You high five Sam, pleased your plan worked out so well.

“So where is it?” He looks eager, like a little boy waiting to play with a new toy. 

“It’s out in the garage. Pepper was kind enough to let me have it delivered here. You can take it out after breakfast.” 

“I can’t wait. But I’m seriously rethinking your gift now.” 

“I’m going to love it, whatever it is.” You assure him.

Bucky pulls out an envelope and you laugh, “If it’s a motorcycle we’re gonna have a problem.” You tease him. 

“Nope, definitely not a motorcycle.” He gives you a lopsided smile.

Inside the envelope is a beige certificate with gold script: D’Or Mer Luxury Spa. Day passes for six guests, Le Mieux package. You had heard of the spa, it was the best on the east coast and celebrities regularly raved about the place. The last time you’d even been near a spa was to get your hair done before prom in high school. You had a pedicure at a nail salon since but even that was at least two years ago. For six people though, you didn’t even have two friends to take, let alone five. And the salon was outside New York City, it was going to be a really long drive for a day trip. “This is incredible, Bucky. Thank you.” You push aside your spinning thoughts and let yourself be grateful that he had been so thoughtful. 

“I just figured, you take such good care of me all the time, you deserve to be taken care of by the best. And it’ll give you a chance to get to know everyone better too. You’ve said you missed having a close knit group of girlfriends and, well, I have friends to share.” 

“Wait,” you stop him, confused. “What?”

“The appointment is set up for this Friday. Pepper offered to have you all fly down and back in the helicopter. I’ll just hang out here with the guys and you can have a whole day to relax and be pampered.” 

“All of us…?”

“Yeah, I wanted to be sure you had a fun day so I’m sending all of you. You, Pepper, Shuri, Wanda, and May and Laura are coming in later today.”

“You are the most over the top, sweet, kind, thoughtful, amazing…” you would have continued but he cuts you off with a searing kiss that has Sam cat calling behind you.

“Just say thank you!” Pepper shouts across the room. 

You pull back, cheeks flushed, “Thank you, babe. I love you so much.” 

“I love you too. I know it’s not a motorcycle, but still… okay gift?”

“Awesome gift, really. I can’t wait.” 

Pride radiates off of Bucky as he pulls you onto his lap where you’re able to sit back and watch everyone else open the remaining gifts. It’s your first Christmas in over a decade that feels like a real holiday and you’re more thankful than words can express. 

Later in the day Peter and May show up, and a few hours after that Clint, Laura, and their children arrive as well. Even though the compound is massive, the number of people sprawled out between the living room and dining room and kitchen make the place seem full. People are mostly standing around chatting, but some of the guys had started up a game on the Xbox and Bucky joins in after you all but push him at Sam. You knew he wanted to join his friends and didn’t want him to miss out because of you. You had developed a fast friendship with Pepper earlier in the day and find yourself hanging out with her for most of the night. It was a perfect first holiday with the group and you hope Pepper will continue the tradition in the years to come.


	2. Stolen Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I warn you all now: the feels are coming. All the feels. And all the angst. I'm sorry, but if I have to have my heart ripped out thinking about it you are all going with me. 
> 
> (Remember that I really do love you all though!)

You return from the day spa on Friday well rested, relaxed, and just a little tipsy. Bucky’s gift had been something you hadn’t realized you needed and you are eternally grateful for his intuitiveness. The day had been perfect from start to finish and you now consider the group of women friends of your own, and not just friends of Bucky. 

The guys are all hanging out in the gym when you arrive a little past eight and you find Bucky and Sam sparring on the mats as the others watch. Bucky is down to just his sweatpants, flushed and sweating from head to toe, bruises blooming in several spots across his chest and stomach. It’s a mouthwatering sight but something in his eyes as he stares down Sam raises alarm bells in your head. Something is off, you can feel it in your bones. The men grapple, landing blows when they can and trying to flip one another. Finally, Sam catches a lucky shot and tucks a leg around Bucky’s knee, dragging him onto the mat where he all but sits on his chest. “You done, now?” Sam asks, his tone firm. 

Bucky looks around, realizing they have an audience, and nods at Sam. 

“Hey.” You say hesitantly as he approaches you. 

“Hey. I need a shower, okay?” He tells you, not meeting your eyes. 

“Okay, let’s go up to your room.” 

Bucky lets you take his hand but keeps his head slightly bowed, his hair shielding his eyes from yours. You can be patient, let him figure out how he wants to go about telling you what is bothering him. Back in the room Bucky heads to the bathroom without a word and you hear the shower switch on right away. 

You wait patiently on the edge of the bed for him to be done. Bucky always takes five minute showers; he swears that’s all they had time for back in the army and before that it was all the time he had until the hot water ran out. You wait, and wait, and wait. After fifteen minutes you enter the room, worrying briefly that he was actually hurt sparring and needs help. The room is filled with thick, pine scented steam and nothing seems amiss. 

“Bucky?” You call out tentatively. The shower is an enclosed, ceiling to floor, glass stall and it muffles your voice so he doesn’t hear you. You see him though, his body shaking and bright red from the hot water. His head is bowed and he has both palms braced on the tile wall letting the water rush down his head and back. You walk over to the shower stall and realize he’s sobbing; eyes shut, jaw hanging open, shoulders heaving from his silent sobs. 

Your heart breaks as you open the stall, unable to leave him alone to process whatever grief has come up. Bucky bangs his forehead against the tile in frustration when you step inside with him, a low, despondent sound breaking free from his chest. You move to stand behind him, pressing your chest against his back, not giving a shit about your clothes at this point. The water is scalding hot and you’re amazed he hasn’t developed burns from it. You reach around him and turn the knob to lessen the heat. Bucky loves hot showers but nothing like this. This seems like punishment. You lean your head against his back, giving him all the time needs to come back to himself. 

After a few minutes Bucky’s shoulders stop heaving quite so hard and he slams the knob to the right, turning off the water. He’s still not speaking and you’re trying not to freak out at what could be so awful to have him like this. You strip out of your soaked clothes, throwing them in a pile in the shower stall to deal with later. 

“Come on then.” He says with an outstretched hand, still not meeting your eyes. 

You follow him out to the bedroom where he turns off the lights and climbs into bed pulling you in with him. He cradles your body against his, his chest against your back and you lay quietly with him, the air filled with tension. 

You jump at the sound of his voice when he finally breaks the silence. He sounds so lost. “I got a check up from Bruce today.”

“Okay.” You nod in the dark, wondering where this is going.

“I don’t know if you noticed but I found a grey hair a few weeks back. Just the one. Then another last week. And my muscles aren’t quite what they used to be either.”

“So you have a few grey hairs, your body is basically in its thirties, that’s normal. And your muscles are bound to atrophy a little if you’re not using them consistently. We can get a gym membership when we get home if you’re worried about getting your six pack back or bulking up or whatever. I’ll even go with you if you want.” You’re silently relieved his concern isn’t over something drastic and life changing.

But you’re wrong. 

“I’m not supposed to be aging, doll.” His voice is so soft you barely hear him. “The serum… it’s supposed to keep my cells in perfect condition. It’s why I heal so fast. My muscles shouldn’t atrophy regardless if I’m using them or not.”

“Oh.” Icy dread floods your veins and you pray silently that you’re not about to lose the love of your life after just finding him. “So what does that mean?”

“Bruce ran some tests and found the serum is degrading. Like it did for Steve. Eventually it degrades enough that you age normally, it’s how he grew old with Peggy and their family. Since I didn’t get the same serum as him, we weren’t sure if it would happen to me or not.”

“I’m sorry, I really am. But you’ll still get a normal life span now, right?”

“Yeah, as it degrades I’ll age from this point on normally.”

You let out a breath of relief. At least he’s not being taken from you anytime soon. It doesn’t entirely explain his grief though. “So you’re upset because you’re officially on an average human lifespan again?” 

Bucky gasps behind you, suppressing a sob. You can feel him shake his head against your back. “When Bruce realized the serum was degrading we thought it might reverse some of the other side effects.” He pauses before carrying on, his voice grave. “HYDRA didn’t want to risk us being able to procreate so they took care of that for us. I assumed it was part of the serum, but no one was really explaining much of anything. So if the serum was degrading I thought that maybe… I had hope, doll.” You can feel the wetness of his tears on your shoulders as he continues, his voice breaking. “I had hope for three god damned hours while Bruce ran more tests. I know I’m rushing things again and I’m sorry, but for three hours all I could think about was a bunch of little babies runnin’ around with my eyes and your smile. But it wasn’t the serum. They… sterilized me. Surgically. Those bastards are all dead but they still managed to steal another part of my life that I’ll never get back.” 

You expected the sadness that wells up in your chest, but you didn’t expect the anger, the rage. You take a minute to calm yourself before you speak. It’s a shame all of the HYDRA members are dead because you want to kill them all slowly and painfully for what they’ve done. “I can’t even imagine what that feels like, Bucky. Nothing I can say is gonna help but I’m here for you.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I’ll never be able to give you...”

“No. Fuck that.” You all but hiss. “This isn’t your fault. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. What those monsters did to you was horrific and against your will. And we have so much time before we’ll be ready to even think about kids. When the time comes, we'll look at our options. There’s adoption and IVF and probably other stuff we’ve never heard of.”

“I don’t deserve you. You should be with someone whole, someone who can give you a normal, quiet life.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes, you stop that right now. I want you, damnit. I love you and there are no deal breakers for me. Whatever happens, we’ll get through it together, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” You roll over so you’re facing him and can hold onto him as tightly as he’s holding you. 

“I love you, Y/N.” He says finally and his breathing evens out a little more. 

“We’ll get through it together.” You remind him.

“Together.” He agrees and then slowly, after a few more quiet minutes, he slips off into sleep.


	3. The Perfect Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a doozy of the last chapter I give you a little spark of hope for the future...

The next morning Bucky goes for a run with Sam and comes back sweaty but extremely pleased with himself. “Sam thought he stood a chance now that I’m losing my super soldier juice.” he tells you with a grin, “I lapped him twice around the lake and barely broke a sweat.” Bucky throws his shirt in the laundry basket, running a hand down the slightly softened plane of his stomach. “Screw having abs as long as I can still whoop his ass.” 

You giggle at his antics from your spot on the bed, unwilling to leave the warmth of the comforters just yet. 

“I have to go have Shuri take one last look at my arm but then I’ll be back if you want to grab breakfast.” He offers. 

“That works. I don’t want to leave bed just yet anyway.” You tell him. 

Bucky gives you a quick kiss goodbye and heads down to Shuri’s lab. He was telling the truth for the most part. Shuri really does want to check the temperature settings on his arm again now that she’s made some tactile upgrades to it. But he also needs to get her help on something else. 

“Morning.” He calls out as he enters the lab. 

Shuri is moving things around on a holographic board, frowning. “Good morning. You ready to tell me what this secret project you have planned is?” 

Bucky grins at his friend. “You know me too well. I wanted to see if we could possibly remove a little bit of the vibranium from my arm and maybe some of the gold too?”

Shuri takes Bucky’s arm off for him and starts looking it over critically. “Is it too heavy? Is it not aerodynamic enough?” She begins questioning him.

“No, no. Nothing like that.” He assures her. “I was wondering if it would be possible to use some of the metal for a ring.”

Shuri stops and looks at him with a wide eyed grin, “A ring? What kind of ring?” 

Bucky rolls his eyes, she clearly knows where he’s going. “An engagement ring. I want it to be perfect and thought it would be fitting to literally give her a piece of myself. Wakanda has beautiful diamonds and I can give you money to pick one out for the ring. Nothing too big, she’d kill me, but something to make her jaw drop a little.” 

Shuri bounces up and down on her heels, unable to stifle her excitement. “We can make this work. I’ll just shave a little off here and there and I know just what stone I’m going to take from my mother’s collection.”

“Whoa! Shuri, no. We’re not gonna steal one of your mother’s diamonds.”

“Shuri, yes.” she jokes. “Mother will happily give one to you. You are family.”

“I can buy one just fine.” 

“I’m making the ring, I get final say.” Shuri waves a hand dismissively at him and brings up her holographic board again to start working on the ring design. “I can probably have the band done today and if I call my mother now I can get the stone sent here by tomorrow.” 

“No rush, it’s probably too soon to be thinking about this anyway.” 

“Pffft. The way you two look at each other? I’ll have it ready for you before you head home. It’s up to you how long you can wait after that.” 

“Thank you, princess. I owe you.” 

“You owe me nothing but an invitation to the wedding.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True to her word Shuri has the ring complete and in a black velvet box before Bucky has started packing to head back home. She calls him down to her lab the night before everyone is set to leave and hands him the box proudly.

“I think you’ll find this was exactly what you were looking for.” She tells him smugly.

Bucky opens the box and finds himself speechless. The ring is made primarily out of vibranium with gold accents around the delicate plate-like patterning. It’s remarkably similar to the design of his arm and he isn’t surprised that Shuri was able to recreate her design. The diamond set on top is slightly grey-blue like his eyes. It’s stunning and Bucky sees why she chose it for the ring. “This is perfect.” He says finally. 

Shuri claps her hands, pleased he approves. “I knew it! When are you going to give it to her? You have to promise to have her call me afterwards.” 

“I’ll make sure she knows who the genius behind this is. But I’m gonna hold off a bit. We’ve barely been together three months and we keep rushing things. I want to do this right. I promise it’ll be this year, I just don't know when yet.” 

“You’ll be the death of me!” Shuri groans. 

“Ah, you’re made of tougher stuff than that.” Bucky hugs her tightly before heading back upstairs to pack. He slips the small box in his pocket and promises himself he’ll do it when the time feels right, regardless of how long it takes. His life isn’t turning out exactly how he’d planned but this is one moment he’s going to make sure is perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned, lovelies. We have more fics in this series coming soon!


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